What Do You Want to See and My Spritual Journey

First off, thank you to everyone that takes their time to read my blog.  I'm very happy you take the time to read what I'm thinking.  I want to bring you more of what you want to see, learn about etc. So I'm all ears for suggestion.  I wouldn't be writing this if it wasn't for you, so I want your input.  Leave me comments letting me know what you want me to try to blog about.  If there's a business I should be looking at, tell me.  If there's art I should be buying, tell me.  If there are books I should be reading (my ultimate weakness and guilty pleasure), send me the name, author and the best place to buy it from.  I'm going to try to post on Mondays and Fridays with a video on YouTube on Wednesdays.  And the videos and a quick description will be in an additional post here.  So again, this blog is for you.  Let me know what you want to see.

I'm constantly curious about the spiritual journeys other people go through.  I find it very rare to meet someone that has always been in tune with their ancestral spiritual roots.  I know I wasn't always.  So I thought it would be a good chance to explain how I went from where I was, to where I am now. 

So I was raised as a Baptist Christian. Just regular Baptist (I learned when I lived in South Carolina that there is a difference between a regular Baptist and a Southern Baptist (absolutely no idea what that difference is though)). I remember going to church every Sunday with my mom.  I remember the dresses and putting money into the offering plate ($1). I remember the story of Jonah and the whale, and David and Goliath. However when my family moved to Holland, I remember seeing things a little differently.  We went to church still but it was with other American families, but the Children's church didn't have the structure I remembered from my old church. After a while, we stopped going,

When we moved to California, I don't think we went at all.  I remember going once and it was so cold inside the church.  I spent the time huddled with my mom and sister trying to keep warm. Eventually after my brother was born my family moved to South Carolina, and again we didn't really find a church.  We attended a few services to find a church but with moving from on base to our own home we never really found a place we enjoyed.  It was around this time I started getting back into my rock collecting.  I had been a part of one of those little monthly rock collecting groups you get from the scholastic book orders.  I would get the cards explaining some of the properties of the rocks and crystals I would get in the mail.  Now that I was in my own home with my own room, I started collecting them again. My parents didn't think anything of it. I also asked for my own set of tarot cards so I could read peoples futures for extra cash, like one of my heroines in my favorite book series did (The Daughters of the Moon series).  This was met by a firm no and that it was the devils work. Only God knew our futures.

Once I became a freshman in high school things changed for me.  I joined a martial arts club because of my love for anime (I was also taking a kenpo class before moving). I met another student in the class and we hit it off pretty quickly We adopted each other as brother and sister at school and quickly learned about each others interests. I brought up my love for writing and that I was into crystals.  At the mention of this he asked me to bring my crystals to him in the gym the next morning.  I thought he might want to see them and agreed. This would be the beginning of my pagan/wiccan journey.  This would also be the time in my life where I experienced my worst depression.

This person became my teacher, my best friend, my eventual boyfriend and my first heartbreak. Around the end of our relationship I had turned myself into someone I was no longer proud to be. I had picked up a small habit of petty theft because my parents refused to allow me to buy the books myself.  I had begun cutting myself to deal with the pain our relationship was causing me mentally and emotionally.  I let my grades slip to the point to where getting a D (which is passing by South Carolina standards) became acceptable in both my eyes and the eyes of my parents. I graduated college and three weeks later I began attending college for the first time.

At this time I wasn't sure in what I believed in.  Eventually towards my last semester of school before I graduated, I went back to exploring Wicca.  This time I was on my own and I felt more secure.  However I was praying to Greek and Norse deities and something didn't click with me internally.  My soul felt like I was outside the door to my own home but could not get in.  And then I discover Egyptian deities and Tameran Wicca (Wicca based off the ancient Egyptian practices and deities).  And for a while I felt great.  I felt like I was home.  Even when things weren't going my way in life I still felt like my spirit and my mind were in a safe place. The pain that lingered from my past seemed to be gone.

Then one day my ex began to email me.  And within about two weeks, my mental state seemed out of whack again.. It was something with how our energy reacted to one another that drove me to the darkest place within myself.  But this time I made it out okay.  Even though I was sinking mentally and emotionally, spiritually I felt okay.  I knew nothing bad would happen to me this time.  I was able to walk away and end this tumultuous chapter of my life.  Now about this same time I was making my transition to embracing my natural hair.  This is also the time when I began expanding my Instagram and meeting new people.  I was also in a relationship with someone that was doing his best to understand my "religion".  I was starting to become dissatisfied with the amount of books I could find on Egyptian Wicca because all of them were written by Caucasians.  Then one day I was recommended a book online. It was the first volume of Metu Neter by Ra Un Nefer Amen. This book opened my eyes to what my spirituality could actually become. For a while I still considered myself wiccan but then slowly I got away from it.

Even though I know I had found my spiritual home emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually, I still had a tough time understanding some of the things I was trying to absorb.  It was at this time I met Clecquot online and began reading Muata Ashby books.  Muata Ashby books helped my mind to better grasp and absorb what I was reading in the Metu Neter. Now some of his books were still difficult for my mind to absorb at the time I noticed that all of his books built off of his other books.  So I started with African Religion Volume One and then bought a few others.  But I was unable to understand the other until I pushed myself to comprehend what was before my eyes.  So now I'm seeing the similarities between kemeticism and Christianity and I think its amazing.  Its given me a whole new outlook to the way some of my friends and family express their faith.  I don't think I will ever consider myself a Christian, I consider myself close enough to be able to sit with Christians and feel comfortable in expressing my views and beliefs.

So this is my journey up to this point.  And I'm looking forward to reading about yours.

Hotel King's and Queen's